Hi there. You can call me Izzy.
A few years ago, I ran a website with my best friend, Kether, called My Sweetest Impulse. The website gathered hundreds of members, all of which suffered from eating disorders.
After a while, Kether and I left the site. We decided to seek recovery, and rid ourselves of the toxicity of running what could be considered a 'pro ana' website. However, we didn't close the site; we left it up for those of our members who still desired to communicate with one another, and have an outlet where they felt comfortable enough to be completely honest with themselves and others, who were in similar situations.
Most of our sites members strayed from the community we had created, being that the base of the site (Kether and myself) was no longer there. We had cleared out all of our former blog posts, and we stopped checking our messages and emails.
I apologize if you were one of the many concerned members trying to reach us.
But now, I feel a relapse coming on, and I crave the support and encouragement from my old friends. As sick as it sounds, relating to others with the same disorder as myself helps me to have more control and determination to reach my weight goals. Though, to be clear, I DO know that I should be asking for support to keep me from relapsing. But if you are sick, you understand the lack of desire to stay what is 'sober' in a sense.
When you miss the feeling of being weightless and knowing those surrounding you are jealous of or worried about your body, your mind falls into an endless loop of 'I'm a failure if I don't succeed.'
I suppose that all I'm really saying is,
I'm Izzy, and I'm back.
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